If your husband or wife or partner recently or not so recently disclosed to you they are trans, you may be looking for help and support. If you are trans and in a relationship you may be looking for resources to help your partner. Here are a few ideas.


Head Over Heels: Wives Who Stay with Cross-Dressers and Transsexuals, by Virginia Erhardt  This book is a study of women who stayed in relationships with male to female trans women. The language is a little dated but I think the advice is extremely useful. If the trans members of the partnerships want to learn how to save their relationships this is where to start.

She’s Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband, by Helen Boyd

Housewife: Home-remaking in a Transgender Marriage, by Kristin K Collier


How to Be a Girl This an extremely helpful and touching podcast from the point of view of the mother of a transgender child. Start from the beginning and listen to the whole thing. You will cry a lot but it will help.

Nancy This is a more general podcast about the LGBTQ experience but there are quite a few episodes on trans issues and I think it can help you if you aren’t familiar with the community and want to get familiar in a non-threatening way.


This is a harder category. There isn’t a ton out there for us. If you’ve found something useful and want to share it please contact me. For now, some helpful things I’ve found.

University of California, San Fransisco  This page provides extremely complete, if not totally user friendly, information on treatments for trans gender patients. Read with caution. You can overwhelm yourself with panic getting into all the possible hormones, surgeries, etc. your spouse may choose to do in the future. But when you are ready it’s a great resources.

PFLAG This organization runs support groups and provides information for families of LGBTQ people. It can be a useful resource.

Straight Spouse Network This group has chapters all over the country with support groups and connections for people who just need someone to talk to. Most members have spouses who are gay which can be a very different experience from ours but still a source of support.

My Partner is Trans Reddit Sub If you aren’t familiar with reddit it’s a good place to go and create an anonymous profile to ask questions, read, and get (sometimes relatable sometimes not) information. This place can be a lifesaver when you just need some help at 3am